day before sugery

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

Was able to keep myself together last night to go out to dinner with my husband and enjoy a nice glass of wine. I realized last night how long it has been since we have done that. It was nice. This morning I woke up and took myself to go get some coffee and read the local paper. My appointment with the surgeon is at 10:30, with the hospital appointment at 1:30. Nothing in my being is looking forward to this day, but even more so tomorrow. BUT I want to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel better. I am sick and exhausted of feeling like a pill popper just so I can do basic things like go out to dinner with hubbie. 

Still soooooooooooo nauseated.. Not sure WTF that is about, well i do, but usually the sick to my stomach like I just downed some raw chicken goes away, it doesnt stay around for days. For the last week or so, every time I smell anything, it smells like cat litter. Awesome. I hugged my bestie the other day, you guessed it, she smelled like cat litter. An odd little diddy that my body has thrown at me last 2 weeks. I can think of A LOT of other smells I would rather smell all the time. But cat litter? Fucking seriously. Note to self: I need cat liter.

Today is also the LAST day I will be buying cigs. I spoke with my husband last night, and I know it means a lot to him. But I am no doing it for him, I am doing it for a cleaner and healthier me. Also, cigs, its been a long and toxic 11 years, its time you get the fuck outta my life. You are no good for me. Period. I decided that with the money i would spend on cigs, I am going to two things. 1) Something spiritual for my body and 2) something physical for my body. I like this plan. 

Sooooooooooooo off I go to watch some bad girls club. This fucking show man... all I can say is wow. Reality shows always make me feel better about myself and the fucked up body god has given me. People wonder why I watch it, and it makes me realize that while I have all the health shit going on, I still have so many amazing things in my life <3