Frustrated...

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

Called the doctor's office yesterday and moved my appointment up to today from next Thursday. I refuse to accept the fact that my body is healing normally. I tried to eat chicken and rice noodles again yesterday I got sick instantly and within 5 bites. According to all the books, I should be able to eat steak and potatoes, and all i can eat is soft food. Last night for dinner I ate one faffle (fake waffle since I cant have wheat), some bananas and berries. I have zero appetite and my energy is zapped. I am all ready 5'7" and weighing between 125-130 depending on the day, and I dont have any weight to lose. I can see the bones now when I stand in front of the mirror. This is slightly disturbing... I got out of the shower yesterday and started to cry.... Not only now do I feel sick on the inside, I also look sick..

Woke up this morning and my belly is incredibly swollen. I still cant lay on my side or lay flat on my back with extreme pain in my sides. I just know that this isn't right. I went to the store last night, and the symptoms of mt ass feeling like I just a fire taco from Taco Bell are just worse. I have worse stomach pains and lower ab pain... Everything just feel s worse. 

Worst off I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss mt family. I miss the gym. I miss my job. I MISS EVERYTHING!!!!! I want my life back.....

Day 6 of not smoking. Pretty damn proud of myself.... I mentally am done. Smoking isn't even an option for me anymore. I am just done.