Another day...

““To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.””

Smoke-Free 18 days

Blah. It has to go easier. I will never go back, but mentally it has been a tough ass road... Sometimes I have flares of wanting to kill the driver in front of me because they used their turn signal going INTO a round about.. god that shit pisses me off... Or the quick snap at my hubbie.. But the way I look at it, for ALL THOSE TIMES I let shit go after I had a smoke, than call this payback for all the shit I let go previously....Note to self: THANK GOD I didn't decide to publicize on facebook that I went smoke-free...

Well I got a raise today. Should be a pretty exciting moment and day for me, but somehow it tuned into this arguement betwen me and my hubbie. He tells me that "Dude nice." Really?!? Thats his response?! Something so exciting & something I have wotked so fucking hard for nad literially scarificed my marriage and my health for this license.... and his response is "Dude nice." WOW...

Hubbie has a cold. You would think he is losing his spleen or his lung. Every noise that he makes, every sniff that he makes is soooooooooooo execrated and painful sounding to him. Its hard not to laugh at him. Like really? Spend a day in my life Hell my left eye is spazing out on me again (scary thought for reasons I haven't even gone into yet) and I was happy to not spend the day bleeding like a faucet & I could make it whole day at work. He gets a runny nose, and somehow he thinks he is going to die. I gave him some cold medicine, and he is in bed now. I said I needed some alone time. I guess its a kind reminder of how everyone's pain threshold and what they are willing to deal with & tolerate is all different. If I stayed home for every day i felt "off", than I would never work. It just makes me laugh inside my head a little.... 

Did some light beginner yoga tonight. trying to work my way back u to where I was at. Jillian Michaels every day for 4-5 times a week, running and riding my horses. I am dying for some sense of normalcy with this. Just did some sun sals and felt like my arms were rubber. My flexibility on the cobra was ridicilouslllllllllllly low. I than went for a walk, and my legs and arms are all ready sore, so I am imagining that tomorrow will be hard. 

Slowly but surely I am going to to do the following:

Start a Pevlic Pain non-profit or least case support group

Start getting my 6-pack abs back & my pre-surgery body

Work on building my clients at my firm

RIDING MY HORSES!!!!

Each day, I will work towards these few simple goals which matter to me...... To work on bettering me... To work on things that make my soul feel better.

PS

This no sex shit for 5 weeks after the surgery SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Longest in my whole life since I started having sex I have ever gone... Sooooo not acceptable. My hubbie and I were having problems prior (which we currently working on but NO SEX DOESNT HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP)