Binge-eating!??

I don't know man.. but part of me thinks this might be something I need to address...
Here is the deal.
1) I get feeling that I have control over nothing... EXCEPT the food
2) I seek out and find a "FOOD" that is in my restricted class of food I can't eat
3) I binge eat several of these things.. Only done at night.. and when drunk or on Ambien... aka lose
    my sense of self-control
4) I feel like shit for the next 2-5 days.. and spend the next 2 days wishing I hadn't of slipped & shaming myself.... awesome

Now I use to not think this was an issue.. Until I started to realize that the times I do lose control, and eat shit I am not suppose to, it's always focused around feeling of lacking control or emotional trauma.... I didn't realize this until I started trying to address the issue, and while I couldn't figure out exactly how or why, i wanted to understand why I was eating shit to make me well feel like shit. People say "Just don't eat it...." It isn't that easy. When you live in a world of don'ts, it's very easy to find things I cannot do... I cannot do a lot of things, and eating food (except pretty much fruit, veggies, turkey and chicken), ya I can't eat shit.. Its exhausting to go out with people, and check out their foods and see all the gloriousness that I can't eat.... I have gotten to the point that I don't like food... It became (while emotional shit was going on), that NOT EATING or eating the bare minimal was easier than trying to deal with physical trauma of the stress (trigger auto-immune diseases) than it was to deal with the way my body felt when I ate... It got to the point any time I would eat anything, I would feel completely like shit.. Anything... so I started eating smaller amounts.. which worked, but I also lost 8 lbs, and got told by numerous family members and friends, that i was to fucking skinny.... Welp I am just under 5'9" and I weighed 125ish at the time.. Yep TOTALLY healthy and within the limits.. problem is with my food restrictions, I don't have any fat.. I can't keep it down or in my body long enough to even absorb into my body...... To those of you who think "God I wish I had that problem" (and this I have MANY MANY MANY women, I call them snatches) say to me on numerous occasion.. Really bitch??!?!?!? You wish you had a chronic auto-immune diseases that plague my body and create a constant up and down cycle and you have to take to A/I suppressing drugs aka chemo just to even function?!?!?! REALLY?!?! Being skinny isn't always as it appears on the outside... Bitches remember that......