Awful 12 hours & bloated like a stuck pig

OMFG I HURTTTTTTTTTTTTT THIS MORNING!!!!

SO BLOATED!!!!

I made some dinner last night I THOUGHT would be ok with my body. I went to bed around 9:30ish, and about midnight when hubbie awoke me to go to bed, as soon as we got into bed, I felt this horrible stomach cramping & pain (imagine your worst cramps) and felt really nauseated. I could feel it coming on, all I could do is wait for the pelvic pain to move down to my stomach and through my system so I could have the awful cramping food poisoning symptoms. Fun. SO about 1:00amish, there it came. I was in the bathroom for I dont know how long, I was have asleep and the other half in pain. Great. (this is the hell of my pelvic pain world and why I have to watch what I eat so greatly). Holy fuck it hurt. I crawled back into bed, and hubbie asked I was OK. I said no. I grabbed the heating pad before I laid back in bed, as it usually helps to calm the intense cramping pain (like I am getting an IUD inserted all over again) I am exhausted this morning, and NOW I am completely the opposite in pain with constipated and bloated cramping.

Here's what I have had to take thuse far:
3 glasses of water
1/2 cup of Decaf coffee (makes me want to vomit)
2 stool softeners
4 desperate swigs off Milk of Magnesia
1 peppermint tea
and so far, nothing has alleviated the horrible cramping/constipated/bloated feeling I have! God damn it hurts. It's so uncomfortable, I just to want to unbutton my pants, as I can hardly button them anyways. It's so hard to concentrate and work. I had zero sleep last night and this morning I just hurt so bad in the opposite way. I made this chicken and rice bake recipe in the oven last night. It's an amazing recipe, but it has 3 questionable things 1) onion soup packet (not sure on the GF factor on this one) 2) Cream of mushroom soup (yea not GF but usually my body can tolerate it (which apparently IT CAN'T NOW!!!!!!) and 3) milk (again usually ok, but might of been enough with the can of mushroom soup). Sooooooooooo never making that again!!! Not for this hell! If it wasn't busy season, I would totally have stayed home till this passed. This is SO uncomfortable!!!! Totally going to keep downing the remedies I know of till this knot in my stomach goes away.. Also I WILL hit the gym today (not sure when but when this pain goes away) and I will not weight myself.. with this extra bloating.. I dont think it would be a far read...