Jilly, Wiggle & Figgle

I rocked me some Jillian Michaels today. Figured out where those extra 10lbs have gone. Yep, when I did jumping jacks, I could feel my stomach, thighs and booty a jiggling. GOD SUCH A MOTIVATION.. Most people would get depressed, but I think how hard I have to fight for everything I do, and this only ads to it. I am mentally tapped with my busy season hitting the 4 weeks window. I am mentally, physically and emotionally wrecked. Tapped out. I miss my life. I'm not trying to sound whiny by any means, but I am just stating. I know this affects my health, and thus far I think I am holding my own... Hells, my doctor bill for the first time since I can remember are actually knocking down each month, not adding up for tons of hundreds of dollars. It's an odd feeling to me. Its like being on a sinking ship, that you once knew had a hole in it, and cost thousands to repair.. You keep expecting the hole to resurface, even though you had it fixed!!!!

Haven't smoked this week. Fuck I want to. Been to the gym every day this week, and haven't eaten cheese since my sloth day on Sunday. Again, fuck I want to.  Hit cardio/abs Monday, AMAZING yoga yesterday and Jillian whopped my as in 30 day shred. I also ordered the new 2011 30 day shred she put out + her 6 weeks to better abs. I will start next week I think...

Taco night is tonight. Which shall be a good test of me. I am tryng to think of my figgle faggle belly and how cheese really truly affects me. Good snack when have no other choices yes, but see the thing with me is I can't just say no to one. It's much like pringles chips. With anything in my life, I can't just do one. I can't do one tattoo, one degree, one horse, one best friend lost, one cat, one husband (I love my second one, I am good BTW), ONE ANYTHING. I can't just do one. I always want to to know... seeking.. learning.. ANYTHING I can't just do one. I am constantly seeking and constantly trying to see what is out there. Hell you only live once.  Much like my tattoo's. Spent 30 years of my life tattoo free, why not spend the next 30 years with something different.