I remember that day I realized I was fat...

"Sometimes people will hear you and be able to change their behavior, but often their behavior has more to do with their own need for approval than with your need for support. No matter what their response, you need to be firm and hold your ground. At the end of the day, your health is your responsibility."  -Jillian Michaels-

As I am watching Biggest Loser Couples on Hula tv right now (Love my some Jillian, as she is my workout girl & I need some background noise. I feel like with working 12+ hours, I have heard all the music.. No joke. I am sick of music), its invokes tears on my face and reminding me of how hard you have to work to fight the weight loss. It's also an important reminder of how much family is an influence on our every days life and when we are children, our parents need to instill exercise and healthy eating in us. It's their responsibility as a parent. But that's a whole different subject. Back to the day I realized I was fat.

I was wearing khakis in a size 14, probably needing a size 16, but I refused to shop at the "big girl" store and I wouldn't acknowledge my weight gain. I didn't see myself as heavy, but the scale and the size didn't lie. I am sorry, but a size 16 is not healthy. I don't care what America says, it is not heavy nor desirable to be heavy. I mean, what is it now, like 60% of our society is obese. Come on.. But not here to preach that. I remember being in the gym, I had just "worked out" at the gym, but I wouldn't call it working out. I think I casually read a book and walked maybe at a speed of 3.0,maybe. I steppe don the scale and it read 180. WHAT?!!? How did I go from an active and healthy 20 something year old girl in California to gaining 50 lbs?!? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!? I didn't want to accept it. Even when my boyfriend (now husband) tried to break up with me because I was fat, I didn't get it. When my friends would hang out with me and make comments, it didn't matter because I didn't see it. Now Ilook back at the photos of myself from than,  my family, friends and hubbie all can't believe what a difference it has been. Now this wasn't easy by any means. I still have days when I am out at a bar, and my friends are mowing on tots and chicken wings and to be quite honest I get incredibly jealous sometimes. Incredibly. I say WHY ME?!? Why do I have to watch my weight? Why do I have to work so hard?!? Point is who fucking cares. All wasn't there when god made my body, all I can do is control it. Point is, it's under our control.

Anyways, I remember having tears strolling down my face, and thinking "OMFG I AM FAT!!!". My once petite and small size 4 had turned into whole nother person. I was unhappy, I was miserable and quite frankly my life was spinning out of control. I remember telling myself to ALWAYS hold onto this feeling, because it will always remind me of why I work so hard. Flash forward 4 years, and 52lbs (pre busy season ;) working on that...) and people look at me now and can't believe I use to weight all most 180. They don't believe me. I assure them, that this is something I wont lie about. I have completely changed m life around, found activities I love to do and enjoy them dearly. Sure watching what I eat is tough, but I am healthier than I have ever been and happier than I have ever been and at 31 years old when college students tell me "You have the hottest 31 year old body I have ever seen!" it gives me that little boost I need, and a reminder of when you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside. Here's to a happier and healthier me :-)