Punching Bag

It is not easy to live life sometimes, And face the world with a smile

When you're crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to
reach down inside yourself, hold on to that strength that's still
there, And know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.
But if you can hold on long enough to this through, You'll come out a new person stronger, With more understanding and with a new
pride in yourself From knowing that you made it!
- Unknown-

 

I'm fucking exhausted man. I feel like a punching bag and it hurts. My feelings don't matter, and I just have to take it one day at a time, and go with the flow. Yesterday I stayed home from work again. Hubbie had a cold, but if you ask me, he just needed a day off. He didn't seem that sick, but who am I to judge. Once again he missed another event with me... Half my friends don't even buy it anymore when I say he is sick.. One friend when I said he was sick, asked me "Of what?!?"... *sigh* I understand depression is hard, and I understand how hard it must be for him.. But fuck man, I feel like a punching bag, and I want a break!!! It's so hard because while life goes on, I feel like my love for him is dwindling, and I can't do anything about it.... My needs simply don't matter, and there isn't much I can do about it. It sucks. It's fucking painful and I am stuck in emotional hell. It isn't like our problems started when he got diagnosed with depression, its been going on for years. So little emotion he can feel, ever. And when you are a person with such a giant heart, it gets really hard to see. No hand holding, no compassion, no nothing.. Just all him. I don't know what to do...