RollerCoaster

"You are lost the instant you know what the result will be" -Juan Gris

Guess these means I am not lost, because I have no idea the result of this... But first, side note. Ate TWO FUCKING FRIES last night... 2!!! And this morning I have blood oozing out of my holes likes snot from a nose. Awesome. Fuck you fries...Actually no. FUCK YOU BODY.. I can't eat just 2 fries?!?!? Ugh. So delicious though LOL

Anyways... Depression man, where do I even start. Such a freaking roller coaster of emotions, and such a time for me to stand up and be strong.. Husband had a tough night on Monday night, and we fought, argued and the end result was him thinking that he needed to have a child, and leave me. I told him that I am sorry, but physically I am not ready to go off all my meds, and to endure the unknown with health. It has been only a year, and I am not ready to make that commitment.. We went back and forth. We made love Monday night, and it felt like the last time... Slept together all night, and in the morning on my way to work, I realize I had to be the strong one here, and I opted to take the day off, and told him before he ended our marriage over something that he didn't even know, that maybe we should talk about it. So he took the day off to. I called our couples therapist and made an appointment for the morning, I wanted him to say to our therapist the kid craziness he was talking about. He pointed out that husband was acting like a depressed, unloved women who thought a baby would make everything better.... among other things. We went home and talked more. I explained to him that I need to be loved. I need to enjoy our couple's life, and not be so damn worried about children and starting a family, as it's not in my medical cards right now. Hell I don't even know if I can have kids... Man what a tough day, I am so happy to be back at work. I love him dearly and I have the biggest heart, so I am not willing to give up yet... I told him he had ONE LAST CHANCE to make this right, as I am exhausted.. mentally.