Self-Discovery

Repeat after me "One day at a time. One day at a time"....

Due to some recent events occurring in my life... I think it was a higher power's way of smacking me right in the face and saying "IT'S TIME TO DEAL!!!!".. And so, I go back to my therapist I went to years ago who helped cure me of my awful panic attacks I was getting. I trust in him, and he saw me at my worst (i.e when I was newly divorced & just started dating my current hubbie. I was, well for lack of better terms, I was completely fucked int he head.. Now granted this was prior to all my health problems, and health issues really coming to a head.. But mentally my ex really fucking scarred me. I always say that the physical scars will heal over, but its the emotional ones which are hard to deal with.... So I have decided that it's time to focus on healing my soul. I will do the following:

1) Start doing things because I WANT them.. not someone else....
2) Make time for myself each and every day... even if for 30 mins.
3) Go to therapy for my health problems, trust issues and general urge to make everyone happy all the fucking time. God it's annoying.
4) Go to Yoga at least once a week. Birkam yoga at that. They have Friday night class. Fuck it, let's try and make that. What really has drinking on a weekend really helped me? Sunday Sunday & NFL fun.
5) Continue to seak alternative ways of healing and getting through this pain. I refuse to stop believing that this is how life is suppose to be!!!!
6) Read new book "One Breath at a time- Buddhism & the twelve Steps"....Excited for this goal.
7) Focus on work. I love my job. Let's make the best of my firm.

Ok.. I think for now those 7 are pretty large goals... I like goals. Goals give direction. My goal right now, is to try and uncover the pain I harvest deep inside of me. Let's talk about #6. I think its time for me to start owning up to the life I want to life, not the life I use to live when I was married to my ex-husband. I think when you harbor secrets and spend so much time trying to be someone else, you are exhausted from trying to be that someone else all the time. I think it's time to start being the person I am at work & business, in my personal life.... Never seem to have any drama or problems in my business life. I <3 my job & firm more than anything... because I keep it real, honest and ethical.... So I think it's time in combination wtih my therpaist and also education on my end, to start really diving in and seeing where my soul rests.... Because I really think my behavior has just been repeating itself, and I think it's time to try and uncover where this trama is coming from.. While I think I know, I wonder if there is something else... and so I begin self-discovery.