I am not sick.. I may be in your eyes... but I am not sick.

As per google: Various definitions for the word "sick":

Definitions of sick on the Web:

• ill: affected by an impairment of normal physical or mental function; "ill from the monotony of his suffering"
• nauseated: feeling nausea; feeling about to vomit
• brainsick: affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad"
• disgusted: having a strong distaste from surfeit; "grew more and more disgusted"; "fed up with their complaints"; "sick of it all"; "sick to death of flattery"; "gossip that makes one sick"; "tired of the noise and smoke"
• pale: (of light) lacking in intensity or brightness; dim or feeble; "the pale light of a half moon"; "a pale sun"; "the late afternoon light coming through the el tracks fell in pale oblongs on the street"; "a pallid sky"; "the pale (or wan) stars"; "the wan light of dawn"
• deeply affected by a strong feeling; "sat completely still, sick with envy"; "she was sick with longing"
• vomit: eject the contents of the stomach through the mouth; "After drinking too much, the students vomited"; "He purged continuously"; "The patient regurgitated the food we gave him last night"
• people who are sick; "they devote their lives to caring for the sick"
• ghastly: shockingly repellent; inspiring horror; "ghastly wounds"; "the grim aftermath of the bombing"; "the grim task of burying the victims"; "a grisly murder"; "gruesome evidence of human sacrifice"; "macabre tales of war and plague in the Middle ages"; "macabre tortures conceived by madmen"

Now let's look at these definitions. None of which seem very promising. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME SICK. I am not sick, I am a survivor. If I get a cold, than sure I am sick... I love how people who you think care about you, turn this around on you and make it something they can throw back at you when they are upset. Yelling at me saying "You are sick!!! You need to come to grips with reality!!" You are sick!!!" Ya well fuck you, thanks for taking the one thing which is my hot button, and completely throwing it back on me.... You are not a friend apparently... Which to me, this is NEVER ok. I am not sick. I am a warrior. I am not sick. I am a fighter. I am not sick unless in your eyes you think I am sick, than I will always be sick to you. Being sick doesn't define my life. it doesn't define who I am as a person. It might of made who I am today, but I am not sick. I have been fighting various aliments my whole life, and hence I am fighter. Someone who is perfectly healthy one day, gets a flu like my hubbie. That is sick. Someone who is a sick with jealously of other women, that is sick. Sick is not something that defines, and I WILL NOT let it define me. (ok, venting done)

I went to the energy medicine doctor on Friday and I have to say i am completely in love with this idea of the whole mind and body working together. I have always told doctors that I just feel "off" and that my body just feels like it is out of wack. The PA (physicians assistant) on Friday told me that my body is in constant fight syndrome from some sort of trauma when I was little... or some point during childhood. She asked if I ever had any sexual trauma. I said yes. Chinese believe that a root of lower girlie part pain/bleeding can come from early trauma at some point in  a person's life... This trauma happened when I was 15, oddly enough around the same time that i started feeling like I was constantly in pain and hurting.. My spleen has always been an active part of my pain & suffering. Turns out the spleen is a "trigger" for this trauma that we are holding onto.... Hmmmmmmmm. I am very interested to have my first appointment, reading & homework of my energy fields. I believe the appointment is on Thursday... I do know that acupuncture has been the one thing over the last 2 months or so, which has made enormous strides for me, that and cutting out red meat. Turns out red meat is bad, hormones are bad. Acupuncture helped me clotting be all most half it was prior, and not only that, but my cycical rectal bleeding was done to all most a 1/2 what it was. This is the first time ever, that i can say that in my life since my period started over half my life ago... WOW...So here's to trying to find balance and harmony in my life.....