Blah

Just sort of in a blah mood today. Not happy nor am I sad, just blah. The weight of medical expenses is really starting to get me down.... It's hard when our friends are going on vacations & buying nice things, and here my hubbie & I are trying to just pay down some debt from both medical expenses and also credit cards from trying to get those medical expenses.... I think of all the times that I just sat back and did whatever the doctor told me to do.. Like the braces I got when my periodontist told me that I ever had to have another 5 skin grafts or braces, which I went with braces since skin graft was so horribly painful... Did I really need either? Would my teeth really of fallen out.... My braces cost $5,000, which I have amazing teeth now, but was it really worth it? I think prior to Dr. Redwine fucking me over, I always listened to what the doctor advised and what they said, I never really thought of the cost of it all, or where it would land me in the future. I just wanted an answer and a cure I suppose. Something to end the pain... Something with an answer. Something... I am just frustrated because I think of all the times I should of really thought if I "needed" something, and how much it would cost me in the future. I am thankful for Doc Stevens who didn't stop till he found an answer for my eyes... I am thankful my hubbie has always supported me, and loved me through this all. I am thankful for the house which we live in, and the life which we live together... I am trying so hard to dig out of this debt we are in... Starting Jan 2011, we are going on a strict budget with hopes of getting everything paid off in 2012. I just want to live a normal life, and not be drowning in medical debt and guilt.

IUD update:
Still cramping (which is to be expected) and the doctor warned me that it might happen for a few days up to a couple of weeks. My body sometimes lets me forget about it, but I would say majority of time, I still know it's there... Spotting pretty  minimal this weekend, but today is heavier than this weekend. Hubbie & I are going to try sex and see how it goes.. I am nervous for it, but excited at the same time... I think in the long run this will be more than worth it, but I am just trying to take it one day at a time...