You are what you eat. Damn I hate when mom is right...

So for most people, this saying is true for the most part. Sure you shovel McDonald's crap inside of you for years, your body is going to show some negative effects. If you eat frys every damn day of the week, than sooner or later you muffin top will show and your energy will start to become drained. FOR MOST people this is the case, for me, I only have a few slips ups of the weeks till my body completely shuts down. I was sooooooooooooooo depressed yesterday and was so annoyed with the way I was feeling. Sure I had moments of slip ups, and moments where I eat a few things which I should not have (not because of diet people, because I SHOULDN'T eat them... i.e potato chips ='s inflammatory response) and I thought I could get away with it... My energy has been totally drained, I am up one hour and than down the next, my smile has slowly faded away off my face and most importantly I lost me somehow. Amongst the end of busy season and me FINALLY being out of school and licensed, I am suddenly approached with all this free time. Weird I know... Shut it. Imagine if for your whole life, you life for the term for the semester, than one day everything has changed. Your life is no longer ruled by books and that ultimate goal. Guess what folks, I made that goal. Fucking weird man.

Emotional Eating! NOT
GOOD!

I don't know really how to describe this, so I am trying my best. But I think after all these years of dreaming, wishing and hoping & finally getting it, it leaves a sort of let down if you may, maybe not right words, but how it feels. The way you feel on December 26th or January 2nd. Nothing special, all that hype and now nothing. It just is. See I have always been a motivated person and an activity person, and ALWAYS been thriving for that goal. Lately, I sleep alot. I mean a lot. My stomach/pelvic area is bugging me and you got about a 50/50 shot that I will actually show up to where I say I am going to.  (Again SO NOT ME).  My emotions are about as Waverly as Kate Moss is. One day I am up, the next day I am down. Seriously. It's like a fucking roller coaster ride and I want off. The binge eating makes me feel better. Makes me feel like fuck I don't know control over something. It's a weird feeling, and something when you tell people they look at you like you are crazy. Which in some ways, I might be. I don't know, but I know I have been depressed and not taking care of myself.

So today I awoke to a sun shiney amazing day, and I also awoke with a renewed spirit about me. I dont want to feel like I have been the last few weeks. I don't want the roller coaster and I don't want the illness. I want to give my body reasons to be healthy and happy, not the other way around. So I awoke this morning to my cat purring and resting next to me, and the sun shining, and I said today is going to be different. I had a conversation with my Hubbie about all this, to which he looked at me like I was crazy, but understanding. Cause well that is him and he is amazing like that ;-) I told him I needed the love back, and he said it goes both ways, it isn't a switch and he is right. After showering I headed to the store (after seeing an idea for a sandwich on Udi's GF Facebook Page) and got myself some healthy eating. Not for diet reasons, for flat out fucking sanity. Had some cottage cheese, cantaloupe and a banana for the morning. Went home and walked my dog in the sunshine (AMAZING) and than I made this bomb ass turkey sandwich with peppered turkey from Whole Foods, lettuce, Garlic/Herb mayo from Kraft, pickles and Udi's bread. It was YUMMMMY! Than I ate some creal and dairy-free cream cheese. God dammit I just feel better. And you know what, I am sick of being & feeling like shit, so today is a new day!!!!!