Screaming Bloody Murder

Seriously.. How I fucking felt last 3 days. Like running to the top of a roof top somewhere, and just screaming... I am currently trying to get my anxiety levels down, and try to regain myself. Somewhere.. somehow I seemed to lose myself.. I think in all the muddiness of the world and trying to live, I think this happens sometimes.. Well that and the following happened.

My "period" started this week. See I use the word with quotation because I am not really sure what to call it anymore. My face breaks out a little... get mildly moody and bleed a little.. Which concerns me that my body is just fucking "mimicking" a period (without or with the IUD) which would make Doc Greedy right and well I am not mentally ready for that yet. Fuck him and give me my fucking money back. Anyways, rant over. So I go to use the bathroom few days ago, and I look down... What do my lovely eyes see? A giant long string of blood and goo coming out of me. Awesome. Well this is fucking fun! NOT. Followed by 2 days of upset stomach & basically zero appetite. Yep still bleeding. Fun. However this time my body has opted to bleed mostly out of my ass (and those of you who are worried.. I have poked, prodded, surgeries and in/out of doctor's offices. IT'S JUST ME so calm the fuck down). Awesome. Whatever bleeding I am having, is literally coming out my ass. Fun. Than last night at 1:00amish I awoke with massive stomach cramping & pains. Welp time for bathroom fun. My black kitty follows me into the bathroom like he always does and quickly lays down on the floor, and awaits for this massive awesome thing coming out of my ass to come out.. Fun. Head back to bed. Ooooooooooo NOPE! Not done yet. Take black kitty back to bathroom.. he plops down and sighs. BEST kitty ever. He follows me around the bathroom, cuddles with me at night & sleeps with me on the couch when I am sick. I don't know what I would do without black kitty. Anywho.. So between seeing everything come out my ass this week, the HUGE anxiety I am fucking feeling, and also the massive giant LITERAL pain in my ass (I get swollen & inflamed when I bleed....) I have been a giant fucking wreck.. and I ready for this "period" to be over. HOWEVER I am reminded that pre IUD, I had to deal with this shit ALL THE TIME! Last year for months.. I would just bleed, bleed and more bleed and be so incredibly inflamed that I couldn't even walk. So THANK YOU IUD!

So along those lines.. and in an effort to try and maintain some sort of control of myself.. I have started to rock yoga again (I took the summer off due to other activities and I don't want to get burnt out)... It was awesome today. I went to Chakra yoga (not in the mood to seriously kick my ass with heated yoga) and we focused on the throat.. which is about saying (or not saying) what you needs to say. I have to say that after class I did feel this relaxing urge to just shut the fuck up.. and breath. Again Miss P, BADASS class. So I did some research on the throat chakra and I found it to be pretty true to what I need right now.. With everything going on in my personal life.. I realize that sometimes it's okay to be still and quite. Pretty cool lesson. Thanks Miss P. Tomorrow it's on to kicking my ass at 1.5hrs of heated yoga.. Bring it bitch.