There is always a reason....

Once the people begin to reason, all is lost 

Friend of mine said this last night about smoking, and you know what?!? She is totally right. There is always a reason to smoke or not to smoke, and I in total agreement with her. She was talking about how when she quit, it was like this HUGE weight off of her shoulders, and quite frankly I got a little jealous of that thought. To be free from smoking again would be AMAZING and something I am really gearing my brain up for. I am sick of it, and like a toxic relationship it has snuck back into my life. It has been the annoying little voice in my head, and I am sick of it. I hate it and I am so jealous of people who never took the plunge, and I want to rise above it. I think come Monday, I am going to post it everywhere, this is ALWAYS a reason, its a great mental strengthener and also something to always remember. My husband said he would help me out the next two weeks, so I can get back on track with my workouts and yoga. I am sick of being worried about smoking, and the anxiety behind. I am sick of the pattern.... It;s a pattern I want to break.

Headed to the Doctor today. I think I have developed an infection in either my sinuses, or my mouth or both. My both smells and tastes awful, and quite frankly it fucking hurts. My ear is still in pain from pulling the Q-Tip out, and I don't think that is right either. 2 years ago during tax season, I developed a massive case of thrush in my mouth, its one of the lovely reactions that my body has to stress. Fun. NOT! I was going to try and ride it out, but all week all I have been doing is eating soft foods (which for me isn't much choices) and drinking decaf coffee, tea and water. Anything else just hurts to damn bad. So we will see what doc says this morning, but infections are my bodies MO. Also being that I was recovering from that nasty cough flu I had, which turned in pneumonia, it doesn't really surprise me. Honestly though, my little body has been quite the trooper this tax season, I am hoping the next 5 weeks it can just hang on and ride our the duration.