New life ahead...

Well I cant say the last week has been an easy one.... but it for sure has been eye opening. Ever since my therapist diagnosed me with ADHD, it has been an eye opening experience to say the least. I have been reading a book he recommended titled Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder. To which this is the updated version, and I have to say it's been like WOW THIS IS ME!!!!! LOL ironically enough, all the other ADD books were over-due from the library and needing to be returned. That made me and my boyfriend chuckle. I am half way through the book, and I cant put it down, it's like reading a book about your self.... It's weird and eye opening.



Tried to go out downtown Saturday night. It started as an innocent friendly night, and than the anxiety started and people started to corner me about my ex-husband and also my ex-best friend whom I just moved out from after 3 months because she is so toxic (another story for another post), and I felt completely trapped. Why these people couldn't call me or contact me, they had to wait until I was intoxicated at a bar is beyond me. Anyways, so I popped a zanex (great idea with drinking ) to alleviate the anxiety, and started to drink heavily... Came home with boyfriend and cue a complete and utter panic attack. It was horrible. I borderline wanted him to take me to the ER, it was one of the worst ones I have had in a long time. Than I decided, and told myself I am done, I am not feeling like this. Told my guy to go upstairs and go to sleep, I would be up soon. Woke up the next day exhausted.... and did absolutely nothing because i was exhausted from the panic attack. I hated the feeling. One day being so productive and the next day nothing....No more bars for me. It's to much for anxiety and it makes me spiral out of control...

Which brings another point. Friends.. Turns out, I will probably lose most of my friends because they were attracted to the ADHD girl, the hyper, fun loving and thrill chasing party animal. Not sure how this venture will go, but I know it is going to be a long one..

Okay lost attention. Bored. Time to end. Doctor appointment this afternoon to begin Ritalin medication.



Funny how once you realize something, you are able to recognize it in your life... I cant believe how much ADHD is running my life.. my thoughts.. my actions.... Today as I sit and wait for 5:00 to role around, it's driving me INSANE! I have always wondered why, but now I know I why.. Every second that itches by drive me insane. I can always make it till 3:30ish/4:00ish but man the last hour is murder to me.. I try and think of ways to make the time go by faster, and its complete hell... My brain just runs amuck... Hmmm wonder if any correlation to why I always awake at 3:27am from "sleep" (LOL) if you can call it that.... I work 2-6am till always 3:30sih.. Its so weird... My skin feels like it's crawling, my body is sweating and I feel like every second that goes by is complete and utter torture to me.. Now image going through this EVERY day.....