New life ahead...

Well I cant say the last week has been an easy one.... but it for sure has been eye opening. Ever since my therapist diagnosed me with ADHD, it has been an eye opening experience to say the least. I have been reading a book he recommended titled Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder. To which this is the updated version, and I have to say it's been like WOW THIS IS ME!!!!! LOL ironically enough, all the other ADD books were over-due from the library and needing to be returned. That made me and my boyfriend chuckle. I am half way through the book, and I cant put it down, it's like reading a book about your self.... It's weird and eye opening.



Tried to go out downtown Saturday night. It started as an innocent friendly night, and than the anxiety started and people started to corner me about my ex-husband and also my ex-best friend whom I just moved out from after 3 months because she is so toxic (another story for another post), and I felt completely trapped. Why these people couldn't call me or contact me, they had to wait until I was intoxicated at a bar is beyond me. Anyways, so I popped a zanex (great idea with drinking ) to alleviate the anxiety, and started to drink heavily... Came home with boyfriend and cue a complete and utter panic attack. It was horrible. I borderline wanted him to take me to the ER, it was one of the worst ones I have had in a long time. Than I decided, and told myself I am done, I am not feeling like this. Told my guy to go upstairs and go to sleep, I would be up soon. Woke up the next day exhausted.... and did absolutely nothing because i was exhausted from the panic attack. I hated the feeling. One day being so productive and the next day nothing....No more bars for me. It's to much for anxiety and it makes me spiral out of control...

Which brings another point. Friends.. Turns out, I will probably lose most of my friends because they were attracted to the ADHD girl, the hyper, fun loving and thrill chasing party animal. Not sure how this venture will go, but I know it is going to be a long one..

Okay lost attention. Bored. Time to end. Doctor appointment this afternoon to begin Ritalin medication.

Day after Christmas

Christmas was a great time filled with good family and good times. Even though I thought I was having a massive allergy attack, it turned into a massive cold. My eyes and nose would not stop running. I felt like I was a dripping fac=ucet! I made the best of it, and tried my hardest to say Merry and Cheery even on allergy pills and a pile of tissues on hand! Santa was very nice to me this year. I got lots of yoga clothes for the new year, and also work clothes. My hubbie got me an awesome piece of art that says rules to live by from the Dali Lama. I love it. I also got a yoga book from hubbie that goes into the various moves of yoga, and what the orgin is behind them. It was decided by me ad my husband, I would find a saying or a word in yoga or Buddhist practice that I would tattoo over my awful scars from Dr. Redwine's scam surgery. I need something to cover them up, every time I look at them, it makes me sad. So I begin the quest to find something to cover them up! Rather it be a saying or a yoga pose, I dot know. But I am sure it will hit me and touch my soul when I see it.

Started my "period" yesterday. All though it really isn't, it is just my body trying to adjust to the IUD and shed out the remaining levels in my body. Might make sense why I was so exhausted last week, or also the cold that came and smacked me in the face. The blood is darker and a different color, which only amplifies that it is my body trying to shed off the excess. I have had some cramping that started a fe days ago, which again makes sense since my body is trying to adjust to IUD. Everything says that the first 3 months is full of randomness with bleeding & spotting. So far the experience has been ok. I feel pretty swollen lately, but with the hormones I am sure that is bond to happen. Thankfully yoga seems to help that.

Since the New Year is looming close by, and it has been quite the ride the last few months, my hubbie and I trying to surround ourselves by genuine and amazing people who truly care. Not just when they feel like it, but the truly care about not only our friendship, but us as people. The last few months have been hard in learning this lesson, bu also been amazing because we are seeing the true nature of some people, and how truly selfish and ugly some people can be in life. It is important to us at our age, to surround ourselves with positive and good people. While its a hard lesson to learn, I think we are learning it and learning that sometimes some people just don't need to be in your life... All right time to log off, as my sneezing attacks from my cold are back...

Today I wake up thankful.

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” -Winnie the Pooh-

Life is what you make of it, and I refuse to let life be anything short of amazing. I refuse to accept that I will be sick forever, and I wake up every day as if it is a new day. Doesnt matter what yesterday brought, what matter is what today brings. So today I am thinking of the things in my life which I am grateful for. 

I am greatful for:

My amazing friends which have supported me through countless battles & always helped me to remember my light that shine so bright when everything seems so dark

My amazing family who is always there for me and will always continue to be there for me no matter what obstacles come in our way. Our bond is unbreakable and through the pain will find the positive

My hubbie who has never given up, even when I all most gave up on myself.

Our gorgeous home we have built together and that I have the luxury of being able to recover in.

My husband's health. Is is about as healthy as they come.

My kitties who lay next to me when I am sick and lick the tears away from mt face and purr on my belly to help heal it

My Yellow Lab who is always happy to see me, even when I am not happy to see myself

My job I miss so dearly and cannot wait to get back to. I am blessed to have a job I love more than anything.

Most importantly, my will to never take no for an answer, and the ability to always get through it all. The ability to wake up the day after days like yesterday, and treat today as a new day.