Baby Steps

Hubbie went and saw therapist and doc yesterday. They are going to start him on a low grade anti-depressant which he starts today. I am mildly concerned though that he sees this as the only thing he needs to change in his life, and I don't see it that way. In no way do I want him to become dependent on the medication. He needs to make adjustments to his lifestyle, and incorporate such things as physical activity and things for himself. I would imagine it's hard when you are depressed to not want to see the magic in just taking a little pill to feel better. Hell I know that sometimes with my health issues I wish that there was a little magic pill I could take, and feel magically better. I am hoping through my love and support, that we can fight through this. I don't know where our marriage stands, but it doesn't matter He isn't himself, and what matter right now is him getting healthy and back to a functioning state of mind. I am not sure how to support him, I mean I can try but I feel like I need to educate myself and try to learn ways to get him feeling up to doing things.... I cant imagine the sadness he must be feeling inside his soul right now. It breaks my heart.



Day 3 I think with metrodolizone meds.. Tingling in my leg has gone done, and I really as of this far, haven't notice any major changes besides that. In all honesty I don't know what to except. Hubbie keeps telling me to go to the doctor, but with my current medical clinic bill about to be paid off, I am hestistant. I know what these meds can do to you, and I am pretty sure I have been on them for over 3 years.. Would that be considered long term? I think it would... and fucking everything I read tells me that LONG TERM IS BAD... So even without the tingling, I think it's better off. I mean shit these anti-toics are meant to treat more or less the bubic plague... no joke. it's a HARD CORE med... I am scared.. sure... but what can I do?!? I don't have a choice. Looking at the long term effects, I think it's time to wing it and see. I am hoping my gums dont decide to rage a war on me.. and that these anti-botics are in fact not doing anything but harm to my body.. I really dont want to have to make the decision where which side-effects are least?!!?

Day 1- No Metro

Damn dude this seems so insignificant in light of my hubbie's illness.. HOWEVER I feel like I need to document it somewhere.. so here I go.

Day 2, night 1 of no metrodolizone (spelling.. google it. Google will fix it).
I don't know how I feel about this. Quite frankly I don't know what the fuck will happen.. No clue.. But I do know based on the massive tingling in my leg for the last week +, it's fucking time to go off of it.. I guess we shall see what will happen... Tingling has decreased a little.. which is promising...Trying to remain positive. I don't know what will happen... No fucking clue...

Shit I need to get my ass back to Yoga tomorrow.. ASAP...

Fuck

Seriously FUCK!!!

I currently take Metronidazole, which I have been on for awhile, and quite frankly I hate the fact that I am on it. Few years ago when I went on it (which it's suppose to be a short term thing, and for some reason my body likes it) I had an allergic reaction to it, and had to down my dosage. I started to get this weird tingling in my legs, and felt like they were asleep. I remember it because it was on Halloween, and we had a house full of people, and I remember freaking the fuck out in my head when it happened. Since than, I cut back my dosage and every once and while, had moments where the tingling would come back. Well fuck. Now it's back all the time and it's scaring the shit out of me. I don't like it. I think I am going to have to finally cut it out, and see what happens. I don't think I need I need to see my doctor on this one, shit man I have been on it for years, I think maybe it's time to get off. It's a freaky fucking feeling man, I feel like my leg is going to fall asleep and fall off. I cut the medication down to 1/4, but the tingling is still happening. It FREAKS ME OUT. When I lay on the couch at night, I can feel my ankle tingling, and I HATE IT.. I get these thoughts of not being able to walk someday.. so I think it's time to wean myself off of them. I have NO IDEA WTF will happen, but I can't handle this tingling anymore. and I KNOW it's an allergic reaction which means my body is done with it. I was going to post more.. but after reading below.. somehow I just can't seem to think of anything else.

WOW JUST READ THIS!!!! AWESOME! NOT! I think the time has come to go off!
Common adverse drug reactions (≥1% of patients) associated with systemic metronidazole therapy include: nausea, diarrhea, and/or metallic taste in the mouth. Intravenous administration is commonly associated with thrombophlebitis. Infrequent adverse effects include: hypersensitivity reactions (rash, itch, flushing, fever), headache, dizziness, vomiting, glossitis, stomatitis, dark urine, and/or paraesthesia.^[3] High doses and/or long-term systemic treatment with metronidazole is associated with the development of leukopenia, neutropenia, increased risk of peripheral neuropathy and/or CNS toxicity.^[3]

Metronidazole is listed by the US National Toxicology Program (NTP) as reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen. Although some of the testing methods have been questioned^{[citation needed]}, oral exposure has been shown to cause cancer in experimental animals.^[8] The relationship between exposure to metronidazole and human cancer is unclear.^[8] One study (Beard et al. 1988) found an excess in lung cancer among women (even after adjusting for smoking), while other studies (IARC 1987; Thapa et al. 1998) found either no increased risk, or a statistically insignificant risk.^{[8] [9]} It appears to have a fairly low potential for cancer risk and under most circumstances the benefits of treatment outweigh the risk. Metronidazole is listed as a possible carcinogen according to the WHO International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC).^[10]

Due to its potential carcinogenic properties, metronidazole is banned in the EU and the USA for veterinary use in the feed of animals and is banned for use in any food animals in the USA.^[11][12] In the USA, this type of restriction is covered under the Delaney clause.

Earlier studies suggested a relation between metronidazole and various birth defects. Those studies are now considered flawed and more recent studies "do not support a significant increased risk for birth defects or other adverse effects on the fetus."^[13]

Common adverse drug reactions associated with topical metronidazole therapy include local redness, dryness, and/or skin irritation; and eye watering (if applied near eyes).^[3]

Fucking awesome!

All things considered, I would have to say that physically life is fucking awesome. I mean sure... I have my moments.. but all things considered I am feeling great!!! I golfed my ass off last week (sore as hell but an awesome workout) and enjoyed a day of heated yoga. I passed on the days I am golfing, because well it's to much for my little body. I have to be careful how much I push the limits.. I know my body and I know when enough is enough. Sunday morning I woke up and was completely beat. Met my buddy for some football and than came home to nap. It was AWESOME! Bleeding has almost stopped, and I have 90% of the time stuck to my tough food restrictions and I have to say I feel amazing. I did however totally flake on picking up my chemo meds from the store Monday and Sunday (Whoops and shit) which leaves me 2 days behind. Considering that, I can't believe how good I feel. I am so tempted to cut them out, but I know that I can't! Balls. I have a huge Halloween weekend coming up, and I need to make sure I am at my best... Hindsight, maybe I subconsciously didn't take my meds so I feel fine on Sunday/Monday.. Who knows.. all I know is considering I am 2 days behind, I am doing stellar!

On another note. Fucking food police... AGAIN!! We were at a family dinner last night, and I ate a few bites of some bread! GASP NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Hey people. Fuck off. I know my body. I know what I can and cannot get away with.. So thank you very much, I am fucking fine. I hate when people do this... My buddy just drilled me on rather or not I get enough calories.. blah blah blah blah. DUDE PEOPLE I am fucking fine. I am a big girl. I know my body better than fucking anyone else cause guess what?!? I LIVE IT 24/7!! Did I get a little sick this morning from the bread?!? Sure. But I made the choice. I knew and I understand what my boundaries are!! I got up.. went to work & managed to rock some yoga as well... Mind your own fucking business cause I got mine.