I will NOT let a Doc depress me...

I can be changed by what happens to me, but i refuse to be reduced by it.
- Maya Angelou -


I read this quote this morning, and thought it was quite true. Being that Doc Greedy (Dr. Redwine) is all over the papers for his suspension for his license, I find this quote very heart warming. See after my surgery which did nothing, and spending the  weeks before in so much pain AND THAN to only be told at 31 years old "Hey I want to yank your uterus out!" I honestly sunk into a deep deep depression. I had no answers, a Doc I once trusted with everything, was telling me there was no hope, and I was to just start yanking out organs. Not only with a total guess (which worked so well the first surgery) but I AM 31 YEARS OLD!!! Baffles me to this day how he can still think that this is an option. Ooooooooooooooo wait, HE WANTED THE MONEY!!!! He wasn't willing to even talk to me about red meat, or acupuncture or an IUD. See he got my money, worked his "magic" and was done with me. Thanks being total ass and uncaring about your PATIENT!!! I walked out of his office and spent the next few weeks so depressed.. I had no options... ACCORDING TO HIM. So me being me, I had some time to think to myself, and knew that there is always an option, and at this very time I decided that I was doing to throw out the window western medicine and doctors, and try to heal myself....


Flash forward a few months, I got my IUD in, and have been keeping up with regular acupuncture every month, cut out red meat (seriously should of listened to me Doc Greedy) and I am doing well and almost made it through my busy season!!! I am happy and healthy and I, no one else, is in control of my health. I made a pact that when I walked out of the office of a doctor's office (or health related) that I would feel good, and not bad about myself. Dr. Redwine has zero bedside manner, and treats every patient like they are just a number. I HATE that about some doctors. We are the reason you went into medical school, remember TO HELP PEOPLE!!!! I have always held him in the highest regard for the women's whose life he has changed for the better, and for women whom he operated on and made a difference in their, but for all those women, those US women who listened to him, a TRUSTED doctor and got no relieve. Got no answer and most importantly got scammed out of our money. His all might surgery is not the end all, and I wish he would not think he walks on water and this is the only way to treat patients. Surgery isn't the only option, and I know you get your $6,800 fee, but maybe if you looked at treating the patient as a whole person, and not just as a surgery, you wouldn't have such mixed feelings from everyone all over the Internet. In case you forgot.. You took this creed when you became a doctor, it is your duty to follow it completely not just as you see fit!!!!!

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.
I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.
I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

Doc suspension really enough?!?

Dr. Redwine gets suspended  for one month, according to the board. It's nice to know he will be back "helping" women in May. I am sorry, but anytime I read anything that has to do with him, it makes my skin crawl and makes me want to cry all over again. How he totally disregarded my patient requests for alternative treatment, and led me to believe something that was totally different. His office completely lied to me, stating, or failing to state that my insurance company would NOT be paying for his crap $6,800 surgery fee and that also I would be responsible for the whole amount. I would of NEVER agreed to have this surgery had his office mentioned this to me. I couldn't afford it, and I wanted to try alternative treatments. Which come to find out, have totally alleviated my pelvic flares ect. Thank you IUD and Acupuncture & yoga. THANK YOU (NOT!!!!) Redwine for listening to none of my concerns with this whole, and leading me to believe for weeks that I was going to lose half my bowels. Asshole. Greedy Asshole. GOOD THING I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU AND GET A HYSTERECTOMY!!!! Maybe I should turn you into the boards because quite clearly you DID NOT have my best needs at heart, clearly it was your checkbook!!!

Dr. Redwine's letter to me

Pathetic. Could this letter be any more generic?!? How about my money, hell half my money that you scammed out of me. What happened to helping the patient and patent's best interest? He might as well written a letter that says "Haha I got your money suck it".

PS Dr. Redwine
With proper diet change, yoga, acupuncture and IUD I am doing AMAZING!!! All things which I suggested to you prior to surgery and you disregarded. You need to go back to sensitivity training!!!

Who has a case of the Mondays?!?

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

It's Monday. Blah.
I had an amazingly stressful week last week, and Saturday was no exception. I worked, worked, worked and worked some more. Sunday was AMAZING as my husband was out of town, and I was able to spend the day doing errands and getting shit done. I took my yellow lab with me, and we ran around the town getting shit done that I couldn't get done all week!!!! Than hubbie came home, and we enjoyed a yummy homemade Chicken Piccata, made for my special food needs (i.e rice noodles and bean flour) and it was rocking delicious!!! Than we hunkered down for movie (Red it was meh) and spent the night together. It was a good Sunday.

Dr. Redwine sent me a letter, explaining that our relationship was terminated. Well DUH!!! I will try and scan in the letter when I have a chance. So generic and so him. *blah* I think I would deserve more than one sentence standard letter. Its really a shame that he gets away with peoples money like he does and doesn't offer alternatives... I admit he has helped lots of women, but for women like me, he scared the shit out of me and I got cut open for nothing. Only plus side was it was the last straw for me, and from now on, if I don't leave a doctors office feeling better, than I don't go back. My health care is just that, MY health care!!! Also, I am going to get a tattoo over one of my scars, I would like to cover them both, but I think one symbol would be symbolic enough ;-) I am thinking of this book a BFF gave me 8years ago, and it is called "Of women and horses" and it is absolutely amazing and breathtaking. SO I am thinking that I can take the book to the tattoo artist, and say, hey can you draw a horse in this format for me to go on my lower ab area?!?

My IUD is still there.. I think a had a "period" which consisted of some moments (by moments I mean like 1hr) of some heavier spotting, I wouldn't even call it bleeding, and some intense cramps for maybe an hour or so... I am hoping next month will be even better!!! This is only month 2 of the IUD, and so far the benefits out weight the cons. Plus sex with hubbie without condoms is awesome and I am less inflamed from not using the condoms. It';s pretty nice to have sex at the spur of the moment, and also to not be doubled over in pain the next day!!!

No yoga to report :( With my awful virus which all most caused pneumonia my body has been doing two things work and sleeping. Slept 12hrs on Saturday night instead of going out and partying my ass off, and it was NICE! I awoke on Sunday morning feeling refreshed and amazing!!!!

I also would like to point out that one more day in January, and I have successfully made it through Jan 2011 without any major surgeries, threats of surgeries or major health problems!!!!! Yea Yea!!!!!

I'm stuck.. and I want to be unstuck.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

I am sick of being "stuck". I am stuck in a world of hurt, and I cant seem to move past it. No it isn't physical hurting, it is emotional hurting. I am stuck with the scars that Dr. Redwine left me reminding me every time i shower or got o the bathroom, of the painful surgery I endured, the emotional pain prior and the emotional pain after. I think of my ex-best friend who decided to humiliate and embarrass me in front of my old friends, and make a public scene out of it. I think of the friends I have lost, and the people I miss. I think of the money I have to spend to make up for this surgery which did nothing. I think of the pain and humiliation I suffered at the hands of others. I think of pain. If I stop thinking for a minute, I am consumed by pain. And quite frankly, I am sick of being stuck in this emotional pain. I am sick of crying every day, and being on the verge of pain. I am sick of being stuck. I miss the confident, loud and happy fun loving me. I miss the sexual being I use to be. I miss me, and quite frankly "me" has been gone since the middle of Sept. So for New years, I have opted to think of the following. As 2011 approaches, I think of what a whirlwind 2010 has been. So instead of making a resolution, I am just going to let go. Take in the good, and remember what is, is just that. It is. The only way to move forward, is to let go & stop being stuck.

I will remember the smart women I am. I will remember the obstacles I faced with passing my license, and I will remember how hard I have work at my job to become the business women I am. I will remember how I love to flirt and be sexual, and how I feel good about myself both inside and outwardly. If I don't feel good on the inside, than I will try and feel goof on the outside like my grandpa always said. I will remember on days where I hurt, that the hurt is temporary and that it will go away. I will remember to trust in people, and trust in the goodness of what friends and family do. I remember that sometimes in life, people come in and out of your life, and there were there for a reason, but sometimes we don't always know the reason. I will stand tall for the person I am, and the person I didn't let her make me in to. I will remember the good in life. I will remember how just because one doctor violated my trust, doesn't mean all doctors will. I will believe in the good of doctors, and why they became doctors. That not all doctors are there to hurt you, and sometimes in life you get taken advantage of, and its how one deals with it, hat shows true character. I will rise above the hurt, and move forward. I will remember the good, learn from the bad and cherish the loved.

I will find a healing power in something to cover the scars. I will find something to remind me of me, and the power & strength inside of me, not the scars which show a weaker side of me. I will find something which when I shower or use restroom, I find power in, not weakness. Much like Captial Planet and the power earth, wind, fire and water rings, I will find some thing which to me means strength and power, not weakness. I am done feeling weak. I am done feeling taken advantage of.

I am going through my office, and cleaning out my office. I am cleaner up the papers, and making files for things like pay stubs and health items. I am recycling health claims from over one year ago, and letting go of all the pain from Dr. Redwine. I am recycling the appeals letter, and letter I wrote to Dr. Redwine. It is saved in a safe place, and it will always be there if need be, but it is time to tuck it away. Just like I went through my facebook page, and deleted all old comments, tags and photos of an old friend who took advantage of my weaknesses, and showed them to the world. I will use the pain as a reminder of how sometimes people are just evil people, and their intentions are never good, but that doesn't make me a bad person. I am going to find my center again with the gym & yoga, and I will remember that i am working out for me, and no one else. I will find strength in the power of me. I think this says it best, I willl find strength in me. It's time to stop being stuck. This may not happen overnight, but the feeling of powerlessness has to go away. It's time to let go.

Letter to Dr. Redwine & Staff

It's going in the mail today.

Dear Dr. Redwine & Staff,
First off, please write off my remaining bill for $87, I feel that I have given your office enough  money, and feel completely lied to and cheated out of my surgery fee, and I don't feel that I need to pay your office another dime of my money. You want to fight me over $87, than you are only proving everything I have read about your office and experienced this year.

Second, I have been told by several people and my family, that I should come meet with Dr. Redwine personally, and tell him all this, but in all honesty I don't want to spend another minute in that office, nor do I have the strength to meet with Dr. Redwine in person.  I tried filing an appeal with our insurance company, but they don't want to take accountability for anyone, and your office is completely blowing the accountability as well. My only other recourse would be small claims court or talking to the State of Oregon Medical Board, for I don't feel as though my best interests where at heart with Dr. Redwine, and he has completely lost track of helping patients, and just sees the dollar signs. I am not sure mentally I want to pursue any of those options, because it brings up wounds of a surgery which cured nothing, $6,800 I might of well burned and also scars in my body which I will forever have a reminder of a painful ordeal, which resulted in NOTHING being solved.

I would of NEVER agreed to this surgery had I known that NONE of it would be reimbursed. I could NEVER afford it. I was told my Lifewise that on August 30th, someone (I believe Dina) called to verify with my insurance the surgery, and the procedure code. To which my insurance company told your office, that 1) no pre-authorization was needed and 2) that $1,450 would be the ALLOWABLE fee for this surgery, and that it would only be applied towards my deductible, and nothing would be reimbursed to me. I was than called by your office who I in-trusted (shame on me) that you had chatted with my insurance company and that no pre-authorization was needed. NO ONE mentioned that other part of the conversation, as apparently it slipped your mind that I would be out $6,800 for the surgery. Granted shame on me for not calling my insurance, to which i was relaying on the ethics and trust in your office, and believing that you always had my best interests at heart. Which clearly you and your office doesn't. I was always up front and honest with you & your office, that I could not afforded this fee, and if you remember correctly I had to round up the money, and when I came in 3 years ago, and in April of 2010 I walked out of the office because I couldn't afford your fee. Not only that, I had always been quit clear that I did not want to go through laproscopy again, as it was painful anda long healing process. When I came into your office in August, I was in pain & hurting, and looking for help. I also had hit my 100% paid deductible for the year, and was under the impression part of this would be reimbursed. I TRUSTED in you, because you were always one of the good guys, who wanted to help patients. Now it’s quite clear you only see dollar signs. After reading around Endo blogs and other posts I subscribe to, it is quite clear I am not the only one who thinks this way. Had your office been honest and ethical, and TOLD ME THE TRUTH about my out of pocket, I could of avoided the surgery, and seeked other treatments. It’s bad enough mentally to deal with a surgery which HEALED NOTHING, but to deal with scars for nothing and also $6,800 fee which might be the straw that broke the camel’s back for our finances, but knowing that a doctor’s office whom I have trusted ALL MY LIFE, completely lied to me shatters all I believed in doctors. You were suppose to be one the good ones.

Not only that, but your sense of dismissal and vagueness with not only my family, but me on this whole surgery is completely baffling. You lead me to believe that I was going to lose part of my bowels, and that I should prepare myself for the worst, so myself and my family did. Mentally it ripped me apart.  Come to find out on the pre-operative reports stated “minimal Endo with no bowel endo”. WHAT?!?!? So you knew going into the surgery?!? That’s complete crap. If you would of given me those words, I would of NEVER agreed to be cut open. I would of NEVER agreed to this surgery. You lead me to believe I had severe bowel Endo, and all along you knew that you thought if would be minimal with no bowel involvement, which completely goes against everything you had told me, and been telling. What happened to having the patients best interest?!?!

When I came into your office asking about the surgery, I was completely floored by your dismissal of my pain, and how your suggestion involved AGAIN another surgery. This time you wanted to remove my uterus, at 31 years old with no children. What happened to thinking what is best for the patient?!? I asked about having children, and you said that “Biology was determining this for me”. Ummmm last I checked I am 31, not 41 and your comment was completely rude and insensitive. You completely dismissed my requests on where to go from here, and in fact suggested I go see your occupant in your office for pelvic therapy. This thought didn't cross your mind PRIOR to operating on me?!? Again what happened to helping the patient? Another quite clear red flag that you were purely seeking financial rewards and not even concerned with your patent's needs or wants. You didn't even think of mentioning this to me PRIOR to cutting me open?!? And now you are suggesting that I let you cut me open again, this time with an even vaguer diagnosis? Have you read up on this disease? There is tons of alternative means to try and treat this disease, and other tests which can be ran to aid in diagnose. How can you even think as a licensed doctor that ripping out my uterus would be the best means for helping my pain?! Oh that’s right, you would get MORE $$ from me, and yet have zero accountability for your lack of caring for the patient.

Since recovery, both mentally & physically, I have since seeked a second opinion about my symptoms, and had an IUD put in (which I asked you for several times, and on numerous occasions you refused to even acknowledge it as a possibility), started acupuncture & yoga. Also a request you completely blew off, about cutting out red meat, I had done since the surgery. And you know what?!?!? So far, its been relieving my symptoms. Maybe you should spend some time researching the alternative therapies for your patients, and stop being so damn surgery happy. I have seeked those “holistic things” which you completely dismissed in the last 3+ years, and at our last meeting. You need to recognize that Endo is something which patients can also seek treatment other means, not just your all mighty surgery. It’s really sad, I believed in you 100% and I was one of your biggest supporters. You healed me when i was 19, and I have always thought the world of you. Based on your recent action with me, as well as in the paper, it is quite clear somewhere along the way, you lost track of what really matters, the patient, and not your checkbook.  Since my IUD was put in 2 weeks ago, I have started running again for the first time in over 7 months, and resumed slowly my day-to-day life. Since acupuncture my bleeding has been cut down by half, and pain is slowly fading away. I have seeked some therapy appointments to deal with the complete let down of a surgery which did NOTHING, and also dealing with being lied to by a doctor I have trusted for most of my life.  I don't have any way  to seek recourse for this, but I feel it’s principle, and it’s your profession which you have worked so hard for. So if anything, maybe this will make you think twice while you practice, and realize someday Karma will come around and bite you in the ass.

Karma caught up?!?

Dr. Redwine's website is currently:

http://www.endometriosistreatment.org/html/patient.html

In case you don't want to take the time to click on it.... Here is what it says:

endometriosistreatment.org expired on 12/04/2010 and is pending renewal or deletion

God I hope Karma has caught up to him....

We all need timelines..

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity”

Well maybe most people don't, but I do. With all the meds I am on, and now an IUD in my vajaja so I can't get prego, I need a timeline. My hubbie informed me that he is being pushed by his work to go to school and get his degree!!! I am SUPER excited for this and supportive. Me personally with 2 degrees and my CPA license, I am always one to support continuing education!!! It is a BIG step for him, and one I know @ 28 years old, I am sure he is scared to death. He is a perfectionist, and like to do everything just right. His motto is "Do it once, do it right". I am super excited and stoked for him, while this puts off us having children for another year or so, at this point I dont think it will matter. See in my career, I want to be a partner, and being a partner means lots of hours and lots of time. I have sacrificed SO MUCH for my career, that at this point why stop now?!? I feel however I need a timeline. Not only to push myself, but to also push hubbie into graduating and getting his degree ASAP!! I am thinking that for my 34th birthday will be the mark of going off my meds, and also getting my IUD out. Its 2.5 years from now, and it takes 3-4 cycles for the IUD and my meds to be clear of my body.... My birthday is June, so this would be perfect time.... and I wouldn't be extremely prego during the toughest time of my job!!! Now... time to talk to Hubbie about this ;-)

IUD is going well. Last night I had some pretty awful cramping.. All though I think it is because I ate some Chinese food which technically I am not suppose to eat... it hurt pretty bad, but I tried to recognize this, and just lay down & take it easy.. Woke up this morning ok, and felt pretty sick this morning. However I don't think that this has anything to do with the IUD, more so the lack of good choices for food :D My spotting is getting less and less, and the cramps are as well. In fact it sometimes feel like I don't even have it in.. Which is good. I am sure it is like my tattoo. Sooner or later I will forget it... I have been thinking positive the whole time, and trying to think this will work... I believe in the power of positive thinking ;-)

Been watching Giuliana and Bill on MyStyle Network. It has been my lunch therapy lately. She is struggling with IVF and Bill is SO MUCH like my hubbie. He is caring and so kind to G, in fact I completely admire their relationship. I <3 her name to!!! This week she is in the ER for symptoms that put her there after her IVF treatment, and I can just relate to Bill when he talks about G being sick.. It makes me think of what my Hubie must go through.. I always say it has to be harder on him that on me sometimes... I watch her and him & I can relate to their relationship SO MUCH!!! I cry every time I watch that show at some point in the hour it is on. In a good way.. I think part of it is realizing what you have.. and knowing some battles you may have in store for you in the future. Nonetheless, some people might find this show boring... but to me, I find it completely amazing!

Letter is going to go out tomorrow to Redwine. I have reviewed it a few times, and added a few things. I am so upset and hurt about this. .Nothing like owing $8,000 + from a surgery which did nothing, solved nothing and you never had the money for, and you lost all your trust in your doctor from it... *rolls eyes* At this point, I just want to close my eyes, and make it go away. I am planning on sending letter tomorrow, and hopefully never hearing from that bastard again.

Exhausted...

     “Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.”
I am completely exhausted mentally, which is a change for me. Normally I am exhausted physically, which in turn stems into mentally. But lately, it seems I am fightiny mental exhaustion, more than anything else... I am mentally exhausted from dealing with being scammed by my doctor. My last recourse is to either 1) Sue him (which I can't afford since he took all my money) 2) Small claims court (again $$) and 3) turn him into the Medical State Board (still debating...) and 4) writing him s letter from the heart explaining how he wronged me, and how he has lost touch with reality. I only have option 4. For I believe in karma, and god I hope karma bites in his big greedy pockets. I will also be posting the letter I write here, in my blog, for others to search for. In hopes of when other suffering patients seek treatment from him, they think twice about what really are his motives. I wrote the letter, but I am going to think on it for a night....

IUD is going really well! Today I am having some spotting & cramping, but nothing which is to distracting... It is to be expected as my body levels out.. I wake up in the morning, I tend to have more cramping than any other time of day. Weird. It usually makes me a little worried, and once I awake and take a shower, it usually mellows out. Scary though to wake up to. Not sleeping very well. Even with ambien. I think I have just A LOT of my mind, and having a hard time just resting.  Next week my period "should" start (if I didn't have the IUD), so it will be interesting how my bowels and my body reacts. Some people report having a flow for one or two months after, some report nothing but spotting. Right now I fall into the spotting category, but usually more so in the morning. Again weird.. I think my body does some funky doings at night!!! I am still remaining positive though, and looking forward to the good aspects about it... No better time than the winter to let my body adjust. Cold out and who thinks of wearing bikinis and shorts int he winter? Besides here pretty soon I am going to be working all the time anyways, so it's perfect timing!!!!

Letting go in Yoga

First off I wrote my 4 page letter of appeal to my insurance company for Dr. Redwine's office for never conveying the truth about how my insurance wouldn't cover i.e reimburse me for any of it.. Turns out it was 4 pages, and I included 10 different documents showing how he lead me to believe one thing, and all along I think he just wanted the money.... Sort of healing. Appeal takes 15-30 days,.. I am hoping I win this one... Looking back through all the documents, he totally mislead me.

Now on to the positive things. My IUD thus far has been AMAZING and slowly every day I notice a difference. Sex was good.. Well as good as two people who have been SWORN to use condoms and be careful for the last 3.5 years could be LOL We both were so nervous and unsure what to expect. HOWEVER I think we both realizing how this could benefit out intimacy and general being together. I didn't realize how much condoms really changed our sex life!!!! On another plus side, after we had sex I didn't think or notice it all day long. Normally after sex I hurt.. and my lowers girly part areas just feel inflamed for that day if not days afterwards. So so far, the verdict is good :D

Had my yoga class today with instructor Phyllis. Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee her!! So today we were focusing ont he 2nd chakra which is the bittersweet aspect of live. More or less "Shit happens". As we went through the practice, I could feel the energy moving throughout my body.. It was amazing. i could feel the stretches going deeper and deeper, and than finally as we were calming down our bodies, I went into a pose and as Phyllis said "Let goooooooooooooooo" and let your 2nd charky go. I started to have tears stroll down my face, and I could feel myself letting goooooo. it was an epic moment in Yoga ;-)

Which brings me to my new project. I don't have my license, cant really focus on bringing in clients into the firm as the busy season is fast approaching, so i found one today. Plain and simple "To practice Yoga at least 4 times a week. " I want to explained my yoga practice and keep working towards moment like these. Between yoga, acupuncture, new insurance and lifestyle changes, I feel like 2011 is going to be my year ;-)

IUD today...& scammed by doctor....

Gulp I am both nervous and excited. My hubbie and I are both excited and trying to look at the positive. I am scared, because I never know how my body will react... HOWEVER I am trying to be upbeat and look for the good.. I am hoping that I can make it through the inseration!!! I had a friend who couldn't even make it through the insertion, she said noooooooooooo. All though come to find out, her doc just told her to take Ibuprofen and THATS IT!!!!! I dont think I wold be able yo make it either yo!!!! 

So last night took this med Cytotec which is suppose to help "loosen" up the area... yaj I got horribly and violently ill last night with stomach cramps and pain. It was awful. I get these episodes sometimes, so it really wants a shock, but this one hurt more than normal... Talked to mom and she said sometimes this happens, because it "loosens" everything up. Also found out this is the med which they give to people after 8 weeks of pregnancy... Weird. I stopped researching it after I read that... Sometimes it is better to not have all the knowledge... 

So I am home, awaiting my hubbie to pick me up. I popped a valium and a pain killer, per doctors recommendation, and I am hoping for the best. I use heavy breathing exercises when I have stomach cramping & upset during the middle of the night, so I am hoping that will help me get through this. Hubbue brought up a good point, I have been worse i.e surgery, so I am hoping this will be a peace of cake.

Now on another note. DR. REDWINE's aka Doc SurgeryHappy office completely took advantage of me.... I called my insurance company to find out where my $6800 check was from the insurance company for the UPFRONT fee of his surgery fee I spent for my surgery which did nothing. To which the insurance company informed me that on Aug 30th, they spoke with his office and told their surgery coordinator that 1) he was an out of netowrk provider and 2) none of the upfront fee would be reimbursed and to top it off, only $1450 is the allowable amount for the procedure, which went towards my out of pocket deductible. NONE OF THIS WAS RELAYED TO ME... Doc Surgery Happy took advantage of my situation. lead me to believe that surgery was my only option, and THAN his office took my $6800 up front fully knowing that none of it would come back... I am appealing with with the insurance company, who was on my side knowing his shady side which is coming out and helped me to appeal the process. I am currently awaiting the paperwork for this, and appeal it. Insurance company will decide and they will hopefully reimburse me and than go after him!!!!! SHAME ON YOU Dr. REDWINE!!!! You totally have lost site of helping your patients and why you are doing what you are doing..... After that, anything remaining I am taking the bastard to Small Claims court.Its bad enough the surgery did nothing, and he wanted to give me a hysterectomy, but NOW TO TAKE MY MONEY. Fuck you. You were suppose to be one of the good ones......